The Deep Snow

Every journey has its complications and obstacles. Mine began with myself. I had let so much fear and hatred and stupidity take over my soul and chain it to a cement floor of a dark empty room. Finding myself was the first step, I had taken that step, yet taking the step was just the beginning of finding myself, lost in the deep snow. No matter how many holes I dug, no matter how many empty buildings I ran into, no matter how many windows I peered through, I could not find myself. I knew this was not an obstacle I could tackle myself. And then I realized, why should I tackle this by myself? So I ventured from the trail, not far, but far enough to search for a pack I could call my own. A home. Something I had never truly had. The scents of fresh baked breads, sweets, sweat and shame filled my nostrils. I followed my instincts until I found a pack of four, a pack which was just as lost at me, yet whole at the same time. A family. My family. I knew this from the moment I laid my eyes on them. An alpha male and alpha female with two pups. I could feel the tension between the two alphas, but I knew that together they made the best of leaders in a pack I came to find out, was larger than I had anticipated.

I began to frequently join the pack for their events. I was accepted into their den and introduced to the entire pack in a sitting, an overwhelming situation. There were around fifteen or so in the pack at first. Names, names were the hardest part to remember. But never the less, it was a pack, a family, love. I had finally found my home. There were older siblings, younger siblings, alpha male, alpha female, and everything in between. The happiness I felt broke the shackles that held my soul and released me back into a feeling that I had missed for so long. A feeling I had longed for. I had found my home. But in every home there are chips in the paint, cracks in the windows, and rust on the porch. And after a while, I began to feel eyes on the back of my head. That feeling of anticipation and fear. Something was coming. Someone was coming.

I settled into the den with the pack and waited for the disaster that was afoot. Even though I knew it was coming, there was nothing I could do to stop it or prevent it. All in all, it was my fault....

The first step is the hardest....

I sat staring at the long path ahead of me, shivering from the fear that ran up my spine. The hairs on the back of my neck began to stand up. The pounding I had become so accustom to began to sear through my head again. What was I afraid of? Why had I let fear take so much power away from myself? Why did only negative thoughts cross my train of thought? I sat, in the cold wet snow. Was I ready for this journey? Could I possible make it through the winding trails, deep snow patches, frozen rivers, gigantic mountains and the predators waiting for blood shed? I had no choice. This was a decision I had made long ago that I would take charge of my life and venture out into the world. No longer was the security and comfort enough to keep me at bay. For what is life without adventure? Experience and knowledge can not be gained simply from one stage in life. We must journey forth and discover ourselves.

With all my strength and power, I stood up and fluttered the snow around my foot. Exhaling a deep relieving sigh, looking up focusing down the trail, only to find the snow blinding and obscuring my view. Looking back down at my feet, which to my displeasure would not move. Focusing my mind and body, I feel my right foot lift and extend in front of my body. The first step, I had taken the first step. My life had truly begun from this point on. I was ready to start my journey, a smile came to my face, the first smile in a very long time. Warmth surrounded the inside of my chest, a feeling that I had not felt in so long that I had forgotten the comfort of happiness. The sound of the crushing snow underneath my foot sent a jolt of excitement through my body. It was time to move forward.....